Ms. Khoo Li Lin
1XX Elias Terrace
Singapore 519XXX
23 December 2005
Merry Christmas to you and your family! May you all have the holiest, happiest and the most glorious Christmas ever.
My name is Santa Binni and I am a fully qualified Santa Claus. Recently, I have nominated myself to be the Santa Claus of the Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC region and I am deeply honored and proud to be serving the friendly folks of this region.
However, I am obliged to inform you that I will be making several changes to the characterization of Father Christmas. Rather than greeting you guys with the usual shouts of “Ho, ho, ho!”, I would now prefer to sing the phrase “Mai-ya-hee, Mai-ya-hoo, Mai-ya-ha, Mai-ya-HO-HO!” while gyrating shamelessly with the appropriate dance moves.
Atlas, that is just an unimportant detail.
To the crux of the matter in hand, I am writing to inform you that you Khoo Li Lin, NRIC-I-can’t-remember, is in Santa Binni’s I’m-Naughty-And-Deserve-To-Be-Spanked List this year. Although you have done your fair share of community work this past 12 months, you have been found guilty of neglecting your poor boyfriend during this festive season. As you know, the first year of a couple’s relationship is usually the honeymoon period where it is perfectly understandable that the boyfriend wants to spend every minute every day staring into her boobs eyes and utter sweet nothings.
However, a check with the Airline authorities has shown that you have rendervou-ed out of the country from 13/12/05 to 16/12/05 and 18/12/05 to 24/12/05, leaving your boyfriend to fend off the harsh winter season of Singapore all by himself.
As such, I am unable to accede to your request for “cute sandals for school and non-shiny black heels for presentations” this year.
However, may I suggest that, since Christmas is still not yet over, that you do something to get back into my good books?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best wishes,
Santa Binni
Chief Santa, Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC
